fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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