told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize