you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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