Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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