and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
