Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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