Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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