I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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