I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
