weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
