I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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