new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
