You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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