i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
