She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
