Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
