the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
