do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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