I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
