my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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