those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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