no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
