I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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