very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
