i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Drake has all the answers
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
