dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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