I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
