she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize