nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
