Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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