Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
