just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
