is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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