god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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