i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
