Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
