We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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