This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
