We got so high we made milksteak
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
