hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
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