So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
