Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
