chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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