Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
