Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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