She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
