so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
