haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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