Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
