Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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