I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize