I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just saw a hot homeless man
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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