you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
my liver is dry heaving
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
