she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
