Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
