He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
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