this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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