First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Mom said you looked used
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize