he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
