I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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