When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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