I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
