I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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