Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
