Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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