I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
