i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
