that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
