This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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