she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
