Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
