Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
