Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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