Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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