I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
