I have demons in me.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
