I just cut my nipple shaving
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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