wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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