the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
