Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
