Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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