Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
did i just pee glitter
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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