I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
