so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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