I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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