and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
